Influencing Bystanders to Stand Up to Bullying

          In this helpful article in Principal Magazine, Jim Dillon (Measurement Incorporated) says that trying to tighten control of student behavior is not an effective way to stop bullying. “The people who have the most influence in determining the amount and degree of bullying in a school are not the adults, but the students,” he says. The trick is to shift from a controlling to an influencing mindset – changing students’ reactions to bullying through modeling, listening, and winning trust.

            From the student’s point of view, bullying has a clear social purpose – impressing an audience of bystanders and raising one’s social status. “Stopping bullying requires changing the audience response to it,” says Dillon. “Educators… need to focus less on the rule-breakers, and more on the majority of students who don’t break the rules: the bystanders or the audience for acts of bullying.”

A key step is for adults to avoid the fundamental attribution error – the tendency to attribute students’ behavior to the way they are rather than the situation they’re in. Bystanders who don’t intervene aren’t heartless and apathetic; they are subject to a common set of social pressures and haven’t learned how to deal with them. “Just telling bystanders to ‘stand up’ to bullying makes little sense,” says Dillon, “no more sense than just telling a student to be a good reader or become a safe driver without first providing instruction, guidance, coaching, and support.” Based on his research, he offers this summary of the nots – rationalizations that bystanders use for holding back:

-    Not really bullying – students sometimes call it “drama;”

-    Not wrong – he’s just teasing and joking around;

-    Not harmful – nobody’s getting hurt; she can handle it;

-    Not against the rules – the bullying is subtle, technically below the radar;

-    Not like me, not my “tribe” – the victim is perceived as very different;

-    Not worthy of help – the victim deserves it; teachers don’t like this person;

-    Not sure what the crowd thinks – “It is very hard, even frightening, for students to act differently from what they perceive the majority of their peers think,” says Dillon.

-    Not sure what to do – how can I stop this – especially difficult when the perpetrator is popular and socially connected;

-    Not my job – it’s up to teachers or older students;

-    Not my decision – others’ inaction is a sign that what is happening is not a problem;

-    Not worth the risk – I might become a victim too;

-    Not sure if adults will handle the situation well – telling might make things worse;

-    Not sure of back-up – I might get in trouble too.

All of these nots are knots that need to be untied, says Dillon, and that process can begin when students are shown how much influence they can have in making their school a better place. Here are some key points that need to be part of a schoolwide campaign:

            • The vast majority of students don’t bully and don’t approve of bullying.

            • People want to do good and be helpful.

            • Student make mistakes and our school will not be trouble-free. “Problems are part of life and learning,” says Dillon. “Viewing them as such will make discussing them a lot less emotional. Students will be more open to sharing them.”

            • Students are subject to social pressures and need to think for themselves and problem-solve. “Students shouldn’t feel guilty if they don’t act courageously in the face of bullying,” says Dillon. “Educators should share their own stories of their doubt, uncertainty, and even indifference in the face of need.”

• Being compassionate toward bullies doesn’t mean the behavior is being condoned. “Students who make mistakes need compassion and will accept guidance and direction when given respect and care,” says Dillon. “Students who bully aren’t bad kids or inherent troublemakers – some just need to learn how not to bully others.”

 

“Untying the ‘Nots’ of Bullying Prevention” by Jim Dillon in Principal Magazine, January/February 2014 (Vol. 93, #3, p. 36-39), www.naesp.org